"OUT OF TIME" FADE IN: MIKE and GEOFF sit in the living room of their flat. GEOFF is reading a newspaper while MIKE stares into space. MIKE turns to look at GEOFF who is still studiously reading his newspaper. He turns back to stare into space, then turns back again to look at GEOFF. MIKE Geoff, can we... GEOFF (angry) Mike, for the last time, we’ll go out when I’ve finished reading the paper! MIKE (pause for a few seconds) Have you finished yet? GEOFF hits the roof and starts shouting and waving his arms about. Improvise something. ROD appears in the foreground. GEOFF’s voice fades out. ROD Submitted for your approval: Two men discussing a pleasant Sunday morning walk. (something bounces off MIKE’s head in the background) Cut to a different angle on ROD so we don’t have to keep animating MIKE and GEOFF. ROD But these two men are about to embark on a journey beyond their wildest imaginings: because soon Mike and Geoff will find themselves... (spooky music similar to but not the same as the Twilight Zone) Out of Time! Play a suitably striking chord for the “out of time” bit. Sound of needle being dragged across a record. Cut to... MIKE and GEOFF standing by the door. GEOFF Is he talking to the walls again? MIKE We’re going out for a walk. Are you coming, Rod? It’s now apparent that ROD is MIKE and GEOFF’s flatmate and not a narrator at all. ROD (a bit embarrassed) Er... no thanks guys. MIKE and GEOFF leave the room. CUT TO A nondescript street. MIKE and GEOFF walking down the street and, hey what the hell, the camera follows them. GEOFF ... just gives me the creeps the way he talks to himself like that. MIKE (beat) It’s very quiet, isn’t it? GEOFF Well, it’s a Sunday morning, isn’t it. Not much happens on a Sunday. (beat) Can you hear something? As he says this, we hear the sound of the TIME MACHINE, although we don’t know what it is yet. It’s probably just the TARDIS sound effect, but you never know. The TIME MACHINE pops into existence behind MIKE and GEOFF. The TIME MACHINE contains three classic spacemen, RED, YELLOW and WHITE. MIKE and GEOFF turn to look at the TIME MACHINE, then back at each other, then back at the TIME MACHINE again. YELLOW is a bluff military type - kind of Buzz Lightyear-y. YELLOW (to his colleagues) Gentlemen, secure the area. RED and WHITE leap down efficiently, like well-oiled machines. Sounds of army boots clomping on tarmac, etc. RED runs off-screen behind the TIME MACHINE. WHITE approaches MIKE and GEOFF. WHITE pulls out a harmless-looking device and points it at MIKE and GEOFF. Nothing happens, so he gives it a shake and it expands, in a series of whirs and clicks, into a big, fearsome-looking device. It remains pointed at MIKE and GEOFF, who now have their hands in the air. The device emits a Geiger counter clicking sound. WHITE waves it around. It goes higher pitched when he points it at MIKE’s head. He waves it back and forth a bit to double-check WHITE All clear, sir! YELLOW approaches MIKE and GEOFF. RED reappears, but lingers at a distance from the rest, looking alert. YELLOW Greetings citizens. I’m Major Chip Chambers, Space Patrol, and this is my team. MIKE Hello. YELLOW My men and I are travelers in time. Tell me, what year is this? MIKE and GEOFF look at each other for a second, then back at YELLOW GEOFF It’s 2003. YELLOW 2003? Excellent! Gentlemen, the experiment is a success! Our time machine has flung us forward in time from 1981 to the very dawn of the 21st century! We are pioneers at the edge of the last great frontier – time itself - pushing back the boundaries of science and mathematics! (beat – MIKE and GEOFF reaction shots) We need to liaise with our superiors at the Pentagon. (to MIKE and GEOFF) Could you direct us to the nearest matter transportation pod? MIKE The what? YELLOW You know... uh... a teleportation unit? GEOFF I don’t think they’ve been invented yet. YELLOW (disappointed) Oh. (beat) Could you give us a ride in your hover car? RED (offscreen) Shotgun! GEOFF No hover cars either, I’m afraid. YELLOW (desperate now) Personal jet packs? GEOFF No. YELLOW No jet packs? Great Scott, man, what have you people been doing all this time? GEOFF Well, they had one at the Olympics back in ’84 but it never really caught on. Um, there’s a bus stop just over there. YELLOW (hopefully) Are the buses driven by atomic robots? GEOFF (shakes head) Sorry. YELLOW It’s the year 2003, mankind is gazing out at the dawn of the new millennium, and you’re telling me people still get around on buses driven by human drivers? Has anything at all happened in the last 20 years? GEOFF Well, they knocked down the Berlin wall... uh... then there was the collapse of communism in the soviet union... (waving arms a bit) giant space mutants invaded the Earth and now stalk the planet feeding off mankind. At this point, and over the next couple of lines, a MUTANT appears just in shot, sniffs around, then swipes RED and retreats. MIKE And we have reality tv now. YELLOW Reality tv? What, like 3D? MIKE No, no. They put cameras in a house, or on a desert island, (Crunching sound off-camera) then people move in and you get to watch them on tv while they... do stuff... in the house... or on the island. YELLOW (blank look) MIKE That’s about it. Off-camera, the MUTANT makes a “ptui” sound and RED’s helmet bounces into shot. It remains out of sight of the characters. YELLOW I was rather hoping for something a bit more... y’know... space-age. WHITE looks around to see where RED has gone. He starts to raise his hand and is about to say something to YELLOW when the MUTANT reappears, more confident now, and swipes WHITE MIKE Oh! They started making Star Wars movies again. More crunching off-camera YELLOW Really? Cool! GEOFF Well, I wouldn’t get too excited... Another “ptui” and a helmet bounces into shot. This time, into view of our characters. YELLOW Hey! MUTANT reappears as YELLOW turns to see where the helmet came from. He too is swiped in much the same way as the previous two. MIKE & GEOFF watch the off-camera mutant as we hear the now-familiar crunching and see the helmet roll into view. Back at the flat, MIKE and GEOFF are sitting in the living room again. MIKE is now reading the newspaper. GEOFF (after a bit of a pause) You know, the weird thing is that I made up the part about the space mutants. MIKE Geoff, I am trying to read the newspaper. FADE OUT...