The Land of the Blind

Fade up to on-screen caption:
In the land of the blind
[x-fade]
the one-eyed man is...

[upbeat music, not too fast - kind of tootly]

[Frasier-style intertitles describing things that the one-eyed 
man is. Each caption has a little vignette accompanying it 
showing a guy with an eyepatch. Every other character in this 
film is wearing sunglasses and carrying a white stick]

not too concerned with fashion
[walking down the street in pith helmet with a big plume, suit 
jacket/bow tie and no trousers. As he passes two people going 
the other way, he politely raises his hat]

always the designated driver
[a bunch of drunken blind guys stagger out of a bar, followed a 
second or two later by a disgruntled looking eyepatch guy (back 
in regular clothes - don't labour the point)]

not welcome on nudist beaches
[Tan baseplate with palm trees. Officious-looking blind guy in 
peaked cap and nothing else barring eyepatch guy's path and 
pointing in the opposite direction. Next to him is a sign showing 
an eyeball with a diagonal red line through it]

the only guy with a television
[sitting in a chair in his underpants, clicking his remote control 
at the tv. We hear "click *hiss* click *hiss*" etc - no-one is 
broadcasting]

considered a freak of nature
[a bit cheeky, this one - get Bluntman's permission to have a shot 
of Optimus Prime pointing a very big gun at eyepatch man. If there's 
a way to make OP wear sunglasses and carry a white stick, then go 
for it]